Some of these made me laugh. Lifted from the Daily Mirror, which took them from a new book, The World’s Stupidest Instructions, published by Michael O’Mara Books.
All examples of “funny English by foreigners” have been removed, but you can find them in the link.
BEWARE: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions [on a toboggan]
DO NOT eat toner [on a laser-printer cartridge]
CAUTION: knives are sharp [on a knife sharpener]
DO NOT use for drying pets [on a microwave oven]
CAUTION: remove infant before storing chair [on a pushchair]
DO NOT open here [on the bottom of a cola bottle]
DO NOT take if allergic to aspirin [on a box of aspirin]
INSTRUCTIONS: put on food [on a ketchup bottle]
OPEN bottle before drinking [on a bottle of rum]
DO NOT wash [on a pair of socks bought in Egypt]
DO NOT spray in your face [on spray paint can]
NOT dishwasher safe [on a TV remote control]
NOT to be used for drying hair [on a blowtorch]
NO small children [on washing machine in a launderette]
DO NOT use as an ice cream topping [on a bottle of hair dye]
DO NOT attempt to swallow [on a mattress]
DO NOT use under water [on a toaster]
NOT to be used as a hedge-trimmer [on a push-along lawnmower]
DO NOT put in mouth [on a box of fireworks]
WARNING! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants [on the packaging for a wristwatch]
DO NOT allow children to play in the dishwasher [on a dishwasher]
WHY NOT not rent out a movie for a dull evening? [sign in a video shop]
He’s written a whole book of these? Good grief.
Ordinary Gweilo 
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