Ordinary Gweilo

As you may have noticed, the letters page of the SCMP is a source of almost endless amusement to me.  Today we have a typically puzzling letter:

Confused by Patten

I never met Chris Patten, so he has no reason to try to confuse me, as he attempts to do in David Evans’ interview in Post Magazine (24 Hours, July 23).

Patten confides that he normally wakes up around 7am.

But then he comes up with a statement that makes me wonder what happened to that logical world I thought I was in a moment before: "So quite often," he says, "like this morning, even though I didn’t get up until seven, I woke up around six." Really? Well, if you have any idea what he means by that, I’m all ears.

A friend told me, "Well, he woke up at 6, and stayed in bed until 7." I have no idea how my friend knows that.

Then, he said he "glances" at the Financial Times and the International Herald-Tribune. My friend tells me Patten meant he reads both quickly.

Patten also says he doesn’t get too much time to relax, but later says he reads a lot and is taking "the whole of August off to stay at our house in France".

Oh, well. What do I know? The answer may lie in all those egg tarts.

ART SELIKOFF, Zhuhai

I have read this letter several times, and I still have no idea what he’s on about.  It’s an attempt at humour, right?