Ordinary Gweilo

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Human nature

I was reading this in the SCMP, and I’m not sure what to make of it:

Men who go to the mainland to find a wife have characteristics that make them more likely than most to become wife beaters … most of these men have strong egos and want an obedient wife. They apparently feel more powerful on the mainland, where they have more spending power.

Well, that plus the fact there are a lot of women in China who see marriage to a foreigner as a way of escaping to a better lifestyle.

Men who seek wives on the mainland tend to see women as possessions, and seem to believe they can do whatever they want to their wives because they pay for their living expenses. Some also see marriage as a means towards finding someone to take care of their parents.

I suppose the idea that anyone could go somewhere for the express purpose of “finding a wife” is a bit scary to me. Did anyone see that marvellous Louis Theroux documentary about elderly men going to Bangkok (I think) to find a wife to take back to the UK? They mainly wanted women who would obey them, whereas the women somehow believed that the men were rich and they would enjoy a much better lifestyle in the UK. No prizes for guessing how things turned out when they discovered that their new husbands owned nothing more than a 2-up, 2-down in Redditch and that the weather wasn’t quite as good as in Thailand.

“It is better that more people seek help rather than avoiding the problem,” Ms Wong said. “If they just keep it bottled up, it could create tragedies like homicides.”

Er, yes, best to avoid “tragedies like homicides”. Do people really talk like that?

I am somewhat at a loss to understand what conclusion we should draw from this piece. Isn’t it obvious that these marriages are much more likely to fail? Of course, the people who need to realize that are most unlikely to be reading the SCMP, and even if they did they would probably still get married regardless.

Or am I just being too cynical?

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4 responses to “Human nature”

  1. Ron avatar
    Ron

    This trend of local men going to China to get a wife, started sometime during the early 80’s.
    During those days, Hong Kong was very prosperous and therefore eligible Hong Kong women had very high expectations towards their [future] husband.
    As in, he must have a flat, a car, a good job, a cellular phone, etc. etc.
    This resulted in problems for those [men] who were less well off. Mostly such men came from the retail or construction industries.
    Their solution? Go find a wife in China as eligible women were easy to find and since during those days all women wanted to emigrate to Hong Kong, they didn’t give a damn about their Hong Kong husband’s looks or bank balances. Leave alone factors like love.
    The stories ended in tragedy, whereupon in most cases, after getting the Hong Kong citizenship, many such marriages failed.
    These days, there is a different ring to this game. Local men have a second wife, known as “Yee Lai” where Yee means second or two and Lai means, well, wife.
    These “Yee Lai” only expect their Hong Kong [so called] husband to rent a flat for them in China [very cheap – costs less than 1,000 RMB] and basically give them 2,000 to 3,000 RMB for basic necessities [sometimes even less].
    In return, such mainland “Yee Lai” behave and act like a wife to the Hong Kong man [whenever he visits China].
    Of course, while the guy is in Hong Kong, these “Yee Lai” have their own boyfriends. And the “husband” is unaware of such affairs. Strange? You bet!
    Hope the above helps and hope to see you at the party tonight.
    Cheers!

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  2. Chris avatar
    Chris

    I remember interviewing someone for a job, and one of his questions was whether the company would expect him to spend much time working in Shenzen. I asked him why, and he said that his wife wouldn’t let him do it – presumably because she was worried that he might acquire a “second wife” in China. I didn’t know the Cantonese expression, though!

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  3. avatar
    Anonymous

    I should point out that gwail lows often do this as well through mail order brides agencies. They to are looking for obident and good asian wives. Does this mean that they have characteric of a wife beaters and are they as bad as each other.
    Usually it is the poor men of hong kong that will go back to the mainland to find a wife or disatified husband wanting extra marital affairs. In China, all mainland chinese have a stereotype of hong kongers people as being very rich, or in somecase extremely rich. They want to be a part of hong kong and hopefully live the comfortable life of hong kong people, to do that they must marry someone from hk. The wealth in china is distribute importionally and there are chinese women out there who are totally desperate and these stereo exist to them.
    My mother has alway taught me not to say we are from hk (in china) because people from the mainland often have rich ideas about hk people. This can expose yourself to dangers like kidnapping, whether this is true or not . However because these stereo type exist in England or any where, most mainland cantonese speaking chinese would refer to themselves as from hk when they are not, because hk is a trendy and properous and thus mean themselves, and thus a big lie because it can be positive image sort of thing in a relationship.

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  4. Shane avatar
    Shane

    As a former Hong Konger, I know that:
    Hong Kongers getting their wives a one-way ticket from mainland to Hong Kong takes an average of seven years.
    A lot of overseas chinese, especially the older men and the geeks, goes to china to find young, sexy, and obedient wives.

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